His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The 19 Creepiest Missing Person Cases
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT