Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
