I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots