I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
