You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
