I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
