If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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