dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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