Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
