yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
