she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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