So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
