omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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