Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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