i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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