You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
