I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
