So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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