you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
and you fell through a lawn chair
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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