I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
