You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
