my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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