i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
