i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
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Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
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I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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