I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
