so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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