thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
