just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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