fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I have grass duct taped all over my body
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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