She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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