My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
