Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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