she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
