If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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