you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize