I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
