Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
