At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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