I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I think my moral compass just broke
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
