Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
