He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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