You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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