Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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