I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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