So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
