He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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