im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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