my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
