Plan B is the new Plan A
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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