He kissed a someone with a penis
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
