Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
