Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
