my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
