Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
did i walk over a car last night?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
