I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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