Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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