You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize