You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
