My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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