he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
