my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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