Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
