i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
