Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
