couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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