I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
