i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
